....and that's okay.

I started this break off with a sour attitude; I delayed Adrienne and Nathan on our journey home by having excessive goods to transport home; we got stuck several times in the snow; my laptop(s) got accidentally forgotten... Of all the crap I brought home, probably the most important thing I need... forgotten. Joy.
So, my "break" started off poorly. Okay, IT wasn't poor--my ATTITUDE was. I went out to the hot tub by myself to vent out my frustrations to the Big Man upstairs. I was determined to have a miserable break, isolate myself and my feelings, get to Provo asap so I was anywhere but here, and make absolutely no change to myself.
Well, Someone had other plans for me.
The very next day I slept through it, got over myself, and was amazed at how easily Adrienne, mom, and I started to get along. Mom commented, "I was so excited for Cecilly to come home because I knew she'd be that happy, go-lucky person in the house who just went with anything." (or something to that effect.) Having an expectation someone else has of me solidified to me who I am: they know. Even though sometimes I lose sight, family knows. Friends know.

I was particularly disappointed that night of upset-ness because our family is not normal. We don't... do normal family stuff: no family vacations growing up, no hugs (except greeting and good-byes), don't talk about feelings, don't express ourselves or really share problems unless they are a major problem, none of that scripture study/family prayer/FHE. Mom & dad tried, but we gave up after several failed attempts. I just feel like our family doesn't fit the mold of an "LDS family." Kristie and I talked about how we've been brought up to be independent. Our family isn't one to pamper emotionally. You just do what you've gotta do, put on your big girl panties, and buck up. You make it through.
Being intelligent and working hard are two highly valued qualities in our family, and I feel that I just barely miss both criteria sometimes. Sometimes in pain I wonder why we can't be a family who jsut accepts whatever? Why the high expectations? I want to relax and not worry about being perfect.
But we're not that family. And that's okay.
Sure, dad swears up a storm and we all laugh our butts off because he's hilarious. Maybe we don't have traditions--maybe we're okay moving Christmas up two days if we want to. Is that normal? heck no way, but that's okay.