I am not living for my resume

Tonight Buckwheat and I joined Adrienne & Nathan for dinner. I admit, I love going over to their apartment; both are such dynamic people and we have such a grand time; granted, I don't speak much while there, but I've discovered that that is my home Cecilly--I fade to the background. Meanwhile, college Cecilly is known to be crazy. (Note: I am going to try to develop the intelligent Cecilly next semester. I feel the need to mature and let myself grow maturity-wise.)

We played Settlers of Catan. Classic. Love it. Afterwards, we all settled down to chat for a bit. James came and left with Kristie to go study--he's quite an entertaining person. We all settled on the story that Uncle "Jack" has a shrine in Adrienne & Nathan's apartment, and Uncle Jack just wanted their wedding pictures surrounding his shrine. Joy And Christian K...something....

Which path? I don't know, dang it!

In sisterly love, Adrienne asked what I'm planning to do with my life. Can I just say I HATE having to say I don't know? Oh, how I loathe being indecisive! I didn't realize until that moment that I don't really have a game plan. Why don't I have a game plan? Too many unknown variables in life. I have several tracks I want to pursue to see where I end up:

• hospitality: once I had a dream to own a hotel chain/bed&breakfast with amazing & creative rooms which I decorate! I love being artsy in my own funky style
• development: working with/for an NGO, Microfinance Institution (MFI), Non-profit. Something of that sort. In Africa. I feel that I could really make a worthwhile impact in my life. Learning about development and Africa intrigues me more. I want to be a part of a life-changing work. 
• marketing: this is a fall-back. I don't know if I even like marketing. This next semester I'll discover if I care about it or not. I figure I'm a competent person--I mean, I'm not an entire imbecile, so I could get the job done. But would I enjoy it? That is the question... 

Those are the possible life endings for Cecilly's life. 

I feel a need to graduate school because I do not want to be graduating college at age 25 or something horrendous like that. Adrienne made a valid point: if I am doing worthwhile things with my life, then that would be fine. 

Occurences/events which I want to do, but postpone graduation:

I could be here...

• nanny. This idea was re-planted in my head tonight by Jake in apt 12. He was talking about taking off next year to get things done he's just itching to do. I didn't know that was allowed. There are no time police, but I just figured once you're in school, you do that till you're finished. But then I had a slight paradigm shift: do things in my own dang time. This is my life, anyway. I've always wanted to nanny; I was going to go right after graduation before college but scholarships lured me here quicker. I think I am mature enough now to competently care for someone's children. And I'm at the point I want to plan for a mission and really want to pay for it by myself. I know financial assistance would willingly come from home, but I'm a big girl: I want to do it myself. I want to grow up. I love kids. This will help me become a more mature person, but still balance the "professional" side. Now I'm looking at time frame: this next spring/summer through next winter--putting me finishing a year contract right at 21, mission time? Or do Spring/Summer to get some classes finished and plan to go Fall/Winter. But if I do that, I feel I'll be too settled to want to go still. But either way, I need to earn money before a mission. 

...or/and here.

• mission? For real? Or am I just saying this because I don't have another plan? Today in church I went to the missionary prep class, and honestly it changed something in me: I really want to go now. I want to be a change in the Church. I want this happiness to be a part of others' lives, even if it is at the expense of two years of school. 

• honors thesis/field study in Africa. This is needed for graduation with a Global Management Certificate and Honors. It is basically set, but the timing of it messes me up. I have a class I need the semester prior, then I spent a semester (or two terms) doing the actual research there, write it the semester after, and submit my Honors Thesis research the beginning of my last semester. So I need a full year for the complete process. This is looking like it'll be after my mission. I am going to take French, and if I do a nanny, mission, honors, graduate plan, then I have a 2-2 1/2 year gap between learning French and actually going to Africa; I was thinking of doing West Africa, since they use French (French is required for Honors). La la la Long story short: I will never graduate! :) Joyful.

Well, there is my life in review.

On my drive home from Adrienne&Nathan's to my place, I was so worried about just up & leaving to go nanny. That doesn't show consistency on a resume. I mean, who the heck just goes to baby-sit kids for a year? Business professionals? Nope. This brought me to the realization that I AM NOT LIVING FOR MY RESUME. Just thinking about doing so exhausts me. 

I love kids. I want to go nanny, dang it! I want to go on a mission, dang it! And maybe I will graduate in longer than I originally planned when entering college, but life is about adaption to situations: think of all the opportunities I am being given in life. That counts for something a resume doesn't reflect. I reflect those experiences.