Monday, June 8, 2015

And the World Spins Madly On

"And the World Spins Madly On."

My internet connection name.
A new-found song discovered in Africa.
A great music video.
Also words describing my life.


A friend recently posted something on her facebook account which resonated with me. It was regarding a conversation that is sometimes difficult to have, I'll be honest: the ominous "s" word. Now, before you go thinking Cecilly has gone all crazy on you, it's not that bad of an "s" word, I promise:

single.


On this touchy subject, said Facebook friend:

"Okay, here it goes. I know a lot of you have been wondering, so I'm here to answer the question you want to ask. Yes, {boy} and I broke up. And you know what? It's okay. We're both doing well, and we left on good terms. Some things are just not meant to be, and this was one of those things, and we both realized it. I would prefer not to retell what happened over and over again, so here's the deal. {Boy} and I got engaged, he backed out and we continued to date because we thought that maybe we just needed to take it slower. Well, we weren't progressing any further and we both knew we wouldn't, so we decided to just end the relationship. I really am doing fine, so please don't tell me how sorry you are. That won't help the situation, and it will just make me feel pathetic."

Especially the last part. "That won't help the situation, and it will just make me feel pathetic."

I felt that way just shy of a year ago. But, after many moments involving Taylor Swift songs, moments of hatred, moments of peace, moments of forgiveness, moments of solitude, moments of sadness, moments of bitterness, moments of healing, moments of hurt, moments of insecurity, moments of happiness, life has magically moved on. I have moved on. It was really hard. Sounds so dumb to say, but... whew... it was hard. Took an unexpected emotional toll.

Being single, I get self-conscious sometimes that people think there's something wrong with me. Believe me, I've wondered that, too. I watch friend after friend get engaged, married, start a family. Yes, I am so incredibly happy for them I can't contain it. I look at (....#stalk...*ahem*.....) engagement, wedding, and family pictures so delighted for them and so hopeful for that day when I get that opportunity. And yes, it's a little painful. Yet I am so thrilled for each of them, and wouldn't want to ever diminish their happiness in any sense.

But, especially in the last month or so, I have been increasingly grateful for this opportunity to be exactly where I am in life right now. I've been able to meet, know, serve, be served by so many people whose friendship I highly cherish. And were I in another type of relationship, those opportunities would not have presented themselves.

I trust in my Heavenly Father. He truly knows best, and I have no doubt He loves me. He loves each one of you, fellow blog-readers. It's amazing to think that our Father--the Father to our spirits--watches over us and cares so deeply about us. That truth gives purpose to my life. And I am so eternally grateful for Him, and for that truth.

...And the World Spins Madly On....

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Playlist of the Year

In school, an English professor gave his class (I wasn't in the class) an assignment to make a soundtrack of their life, or something related to that train of thought. 

I never ended up making a soundtrack of my life, but this week I was thinking about how much I love music and how it helps me express how I am feeling. This last year was a roller coaster, that's for sure, and I went through many songs--so I compiled a playlist of the year
One song per month
No exceptions.
For several months, multiple songs were in the running, but I ruled it down to the top 12:




January: "Ball Cap" -Glen Templeton
February: "Just Give Me A Reason" -Pink
March: "What Are Words" -Chris Medina
April: "All About Us" -Owl City
May: "Spark" -Allred
June: "Give It All" -He Is We
July: "Catch My Breath" -Kelly Clarkson
August: "And Run" -He is We
September: "Breathe" -He is We 
October: "Lego House" -Ed Sheeran
November: "Karma" -J. Wride
December: "Clean" -Taylor Swift


Sneak Peak to the 2015 Playlist:

January: "Take Your Time" -Sam Hunt

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Favorite.

Two weeks ago in Institute (a weekday religion class), we were asked to think about and come to the class with our favorite story from the New Testament. The question lingered on my mind throughout my work day, and upon arrival that evening, I had decided that I love every story including Peter--especially when he walks on the water toward the Savior. What a valiant follower, who was still growing, day-by-day in his faith in the Savior. 

Fast forward to today: I received the Bible Videos DVD in the mail (along with a Netflix movie.... it was a real trial of faith to decide which one to watch first. :) ) 




Well, that little voice inside won, and I put in the Bible Videos. 
I was watching one that... became my new favorite. It is the story of Christ healing a lame man on the Sabbath. You really should watch it:


What do I love about it?

Watch the old man's face as the Savior asks, "Wilt thou be made whole?"
He has waited there for years, yearning to have someone help him into the water so he can be healed. Time after time, someone passes in front of him into the water. Now the Savior comes and asks him to, "Rise. Take up thy bed and walk." 
In this video, he looks into the Savior's face with such faith and hope that this time he will be able to walk. That today he will be healed. 
This story, so small and, to me, skipped over, was brought to my attention.

Favorite.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Leaving on a jet plane

All my bags were packed, I was ready to go...
But the dawn was breakin', 
It was early morn.

President was waitin'
He was blowin' his horn
Already I was so lonesome
I could die....


One year ago today I was on a jet plane, 
didn't know when I'd be back again. 
But oh, I hated to go...







Coming off that jet plane, in a short time 

I fell hard and felt deep pain,

I finished my bachelor's degree, 

I didn't spend nearly as much time with true friends as I regrettably wish.

The only concrete plan I had post-mission was to finish my degree, and that was checked off the list in the blink of an eye. 


Before I knew it, I my bags were packed and I was ready to go, saying good-bye to my home--my stomping ground.


Not quite in a jet plane, 
I moved across the country without much of a plan or a second thought.

And I loved it.

I found new friends and recovered.

I found a safe haven.



Yes, sometimes distance IS the answer.

Moving to Cleveland, I was... confession: pretty hurt
Very hesitant to open up to anyone at all. 
I can't honestly say much has changed, but I can see slight progress.  :) 
Something is better than nothing, right?

Work has been an amazing discovery and I have had to grow up in many ways. 
First real kid job. 
Time to enter the workforce

Scary... but exciting


Friends have been crucial in survival and support. #ilovefacetime #thankgoodnessforskype


I sure did a lot of packing my bags (and my car) this last year......




I can't believe where I was one year ago.

I was still wearing a little black name tag. I was representing the Savior. 
I hope since then, I have continued to represent Him without a little black nametag.


There's so many times I've let you down,
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing.

One year ago, I was leaving on a jet plane, 
didn't know when I'd be back again.

Heavenly Father, I hated to go....

Saturday, September 27, 2014

it sounds crazy

I grew up where I had a keychain on my beltloop with favorite scriptures...
and I memorized them.

I never went out on a Friday night to a bar...
23 years old, and I just entered my first bar.

I've never touched alcohol...
and I never will.

I mention casually to friends that I am going to listen to a living prophet of God...
and I can only guess what they're imagining up.

I talk of my mission, mentioning that for a year and a half I basically gave up using a cell phone and internet, didn't talk to/flirt with/date boys, communicated with home only once a week via email, read scriptures for at least two straight hours daily, and....
I liked it.

In relationships, the greatest way I know to show respect and love is complete abstinence before marriage...
something which surprises some.

The environment I'm accustomed to is when I heard a swear word, I cringed...
now, I think I don't even notice.

I've always been taught that a career was second to the eternally rewarding career of raising a family...
and now I find myself in a world quite contrasted with that belief.

I went to a school where talking of an afterlife was a light lunch conversation....
now it seems to be too delicate of an issue to discuss.

I was always so used to God being a common ground...
now I find myself stepping into shoes where that common ground is no longer held.


I know...
it sounds crazy.


I won't lie, it does sound crazy.
Sometimes I take a step back and look into it as someone who hasn't grown up in it.
And yes, it sounds crazy.

It sounds crazy to say that I know--yes, know--that there is a Savior of this world, and that He literally lived and died for us.
It sounds crazy to bear testimony that that knowledge is what gets me through the darkest of days--the fact that I have an Elder Brother who understands my pain perfectly.
It doesn't sound logical.
It doesn't sound normal.
It sounds, let's be honest, a little weird to say.

But, it's true to me.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

A simple question. A not-so-simple answer.

A friend asked a simple question:

"What have you enjoyed most being away?"

The simple question stumped me for an entire day--the answer is not-so-simple.

What have I enjoyed most being away?

The unfamiliar environment?
The distance?
The work I do?
The new start?

I certainly enjoy that I have no crutches
Being face to face with me.
Independence of making financially costly decisions: what apartment to get for myself, insurance, furnishing an apartment... an adventure not provided in the safe confines of a college lifestyle.
Feeling empowered to push myself in a career. 
Diversity of surroundings-truly, a breath of fresh air-learning so much of the world around me.
First time in the U.S. to MOVE to a foreign environment. Africa and Honduras were different because I was a foreigner moving in to an obviously different environment--a whole new country. Now, I am moving to a somewhat-similar environment, but foreign to me. Provo doesn't constitute "foreign."
There was more of me to discover that I just wasn't finding in Utah. 
I don't know better but to be genuine; not one to mask feelings anymore. I'm tired of hiding, trying to appear perfect. It's just time to be me, with all my weaknesses and imperfections

Independence.
Not independence to run rampant and "go off the deep end" since there is no one to tell me what to do, as I'm in a city where nobody knows me. True, it would be much easier to "fall off the deep end" where no one knows me, in a city of 390,000 people. But, my move here is like our move from our heavenly home to earth. My parents, currently, are separated physically from me. Just as our Heavenly Father. But, they still support and love, as does our Heavenly Father. I love the freedom of choice He has given me to shape and mold my life how I want to. I'm grateful my parents took the 23 years teaching me right from wrong, because now I am able to be independent-- but not lose myself in it.


Starting over with new faces in new places doesn't hurt, either. :)


So, what have I enjoyed most being away?


Independence