Regrets

Three regrets that follow me, as of today:

(1) In Africa, there was a shoe cobbler on the street right by our house who couldn't walk, and I was so scared he'd ask for money and I'd feel awkward or that my group members would judge and think me self-righteous that I never talked to him--but he always smiled so brightly when I walked by. I wish I would have had him fix my shoes and given him business--even spoken to him. He looked like he wanted to, but was likewise scared--likely for different reasons. I saw him about three times. That's it. And that will always be a regret. He won't be there if I go back.

(2) Erin, my roomie last year: I never really got to know her. She was always so kind and asked about my day, inquired what went well and comforted me if it didn't. She let me take up more than half the room space because I had such issues containing all my junk on one side--she never complained. She never complained to me that she felt like the odd-man-out in our apartment. By not including her, I feel that I only made the gap diverge more. She was a listener and I the talker. But think what I could've learned from her if I'd asked more questions, been a real friend. At least this regret I can somehow compensate for my misdeed (being a lack of a good deed) by being that friend to li'l Ames, my new roomie.

(3) Embarrassment in myself. I have no reason to feel this...not really. Sure, everyone gets shaken up in some situations, but I think I will always regret my embarrassment and insecurity concerning my physical self. Combating this by going to the gym with Whitney and Neltje, my OTHER roommates.

Comments

Adrienne said…
That part about the shoe cobbler makes me so sad. He sounds like such a sweet man and I wonder how much better he must've been than I was to be given that hard lot in life.
Yvonne said…
Cecilly, this is a great page. You are amazing to realize these things. I have always thought you were a great person for including my Jeremy and Sara in your drama group; I am happy to see you grow from your experience in Africa, and to let it continue to work on you in your return to your little corner of the world. I love you more than ever! Adrienne, I'm glad to understand your perspective on the cobbler. You both help me to be able to face my challenges better. You are both part of such a special family - thanks for including me in your friends.
Cecilly said…
He really was... some things in life you can never recall, so do it right the first time. :(
I hope we can always be a positive part of others' lives.