lost in a daydream

every now and then I break out of the Tanner building's intensity and testosterone overload. when I do, my mind travels over the Atlantic, through small villages with happiness, hunger, hope, disease, fear, beauty.. and mysteriously enough, all these elements can be found together--and found to a stronger degree than I sometimes feel I can emotionally handle.

I like business. I like its practicality: it won't disappear, it generates money --> money allows habits and comfortable living --> habits and comfortable living makes a happy Cecilly. I like that business challenges the mind: sure, you can get in the rut of doing things the way you've always done them, but your business won't be successful for long--the competitive landscape is constantly changing. I like the strategy side of it: outwitting competitors (note: I like it, which is not equivalent to I'm good or even competent at it.) I like all the free food. Nice lifestyle. Kinda... fancy schmancy.

Flipside: I don't like the fancy schmancy unnecessary blah blah blah. Golf? Who the heck golfs? How does that help anyone, accomplish anything...? blah. Sports? I'd rather cut out my large intestine than suffer through  a conversation of Saturday night's game and the player's lives that are all about show. What do they contribute to society? I realize that this isn't a general mindset, nor should it be. It's Cecilly's. That means both that it shouldn't be pushed on anyone else, nor should I have to change the person I am. But, I need to realize that this is me and not fake myself into a career path.

back to original thought, whenever I have moments, I'm not looking at the latest P&G ad or how to engage customers more through social media. I'm looking at Africa, at development work, at social innovation. And for far too long I shy away from allowing myself to love that. I tell myself that because I chose business, I need to stick with it exactly. I need to work for a business company, not some African, world-saving, crazy madness.

I would love to work for General Mills, sure. I would love the experience that brings. But I'm only doing it to gain knowledge to take to improve Africa. To improve these underdeveloped nations. I'm doing it because I realize I can't contribute anything meaningful until I know something meaningful. Until I've experienced something meaningful. My greatest challenge is learning to love a field I know I don't want to end up in. then I come to the question: why do I want to work?  I know where I want to go with my career... my difficulty now is connecting the dots. and figuring out what those dots draw.