yes

yes, I just took a trip across the country to Chicago with Adrienne, Nathan, li'l Elliott, and my daddy. There were hilarious stories swapped, movies watched, CRAP food consumed, laps run around the excursion at breaks, and books read.

At the store I ran into a friend from high school who got back from his mission this month; he asked in good humor why I wasn't married yet, and what I'd been doing with the last two years of my life. We smiled & laughed, and I got to thinking: what have I done with the last two years of my life? This last June marks my high school graduation (look how old I am). Wow. What have I done with the last two years of my life?

• nearly finished my bachelor's degree
• I've dated plenty, thank you very much. ;) enough to keep me satisfied
• watched friends begin new chapters in their lives
• matured
• felt the "growing pains" of maturity
• laughed. laughed so hard my stomach hurt.
• cried like there was no tomorrow
• put out burning bridges
• attended two Harry Potter premiers
• learned to trust people
• grown in the gospel
• made remarkable friendships
• begun to understand family love
• made real goals for my future--and started believing them
• started to really love who I am, even if I can't please every person I encounter in life
• visited New York, Chicago, Uganda, London, Kenya, Rwanda.... been a lot of places ;)
• be blessed with a li'l baby nephew!

yes, my little life is spectacular. I am going to a school which has granted me incredible opportunities. Opportunities to grow in the gospel along with my secular education. The people I've met have commendable priorities which I need to pattern my life after.

In the back of my heart is the nagging question if I came to the right school, if I made the best choice. Good 'ol facebook bestowed upon me an update from an old acquaintance of mine--one attending Yale. I think I underestimate how BYU is actually a competitive school in some areas, but when I saw his "education" part of his profile, I just wished for a moment that I'd gone elsewhere. (note: not that I'm intelligent enough to be accepted to said places, but perhaps I could have chosen a campus closer to those, so that my networks would allow me to cross paths.) That I'd let myself become something more than another BYU girl. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but.... there is. For me, there is.

I don't want to be a face in the crowd. I don't want to be a nobody. I want to be a somebody. Academically. Intelligently. I want to be someone who is kind & genuine & spectacular in every BYU/LDS way, but also someone who is bright & intelligent & driven in every secular way--in my work, in my life...in me.

This is likely the ramblings of 1 a.m., but I can't get out of my mind that my life shouldn't dissipate after the "M" word. Yes, I want it someday. I can't place a date on that someday, but I know I'll know it when I see it. In the meantime, I have so much growing to do. Some re-prioritizing, yes. I know some paradigms of mine need some help shifting, and I'm willing to do that. yes, I'm restless for something spectacular in life to happen.

yes, I think maybe, just maybe the spectacular-ity (just go with it) of life is in watching western movies with my dad during the 30-hour road trip or squealing as only sisters do with Kristie because we haven't seen each other in a whole week or unpacking with Adrienne into her new Chicago home of adventures and anxiously awaiting when that can be me or seeing old friends in Wal-Mart and catching up for those precious five minutes or planning for a college graduation--a day I still can't envision or going a week with no phone because I lost mine & have a negative desire to get a new one or daydreaming about that "one day" when life makes sense.....

in answer to the question, the answer is yes.