Week 39: Heart throbbings in San Pedro Sula

March 27, 2013

Week 39: Heart throbbings in San Pedro Sula

I love everything a little more every DAY (I think some of my love comes from a dear missionary sister in Croatia/Serbia). We had quite the week, tell you what! The temple cultural night was on Saturday night, and we were so excited to go and see the dances and all the cultural goodies that they had there. And, we had 5 investigators that came--and all of them were new investigators! (the other investigators had commitments for Saturday night). Really, it was one big family tree. Marie Elena, who is the mom of Carlos, who is married to Carla (but they're separated and we're teaching them both separately) and the grand-daughter of Marie Elena, named Nicole. And then the kids of Carlos and Carla. yeah, big 'ol family tree. Carla is very composed, very put-together, very... professional. She reminds me of a mix of Adrienne and Kristie because she's a lawyer, very intelligent and thought-out with her answers, very physically good-looking. she needs this gospel so much. Especially because she's being Mom, Dad, and Teacher, she feels inadequate that she can't spend lots of time with her kids since she's working. (Carlos doesn't have a job). She is amazing.

Then Sunday, the TEMPLE DEDICATION happened!!!! Can I tell you how AMAZING it was?!?!?!?! That Honduras has a temple. It feels like MY temple, too. I know I'm not catracha (the name for Honduras natives), but I feel like I am a part of this! To go to the temple dedication was like going home--I have MISSED. the. TEMPLE. If you, all you out there in this big 'ol world--have a temple, GO. Because I MISS IT. Like there's no tomorrow. Hna. Tolliver and I just sat as everyone else left the stake center, just watching the screen as they filmed the temple and showed the different rooms. It's the most we have.

The heavy note of the week: We lost Carlos. . . he is so convinced he can't change, that he is too set in his character, that even though he wants to, he knows himself too well. I have cried in prayer for him. Tried reasoning with him, but he wants nothing. I just hope it's a mood, that he'll snap out of it and we can keep visiting him, but for every force we exert there is another force working just as hard against. Thursday night I had a little Enos-moment in prayer, wrestling, you could say. Begging that Heavenly Father can work a miracle in Him. Part of the lesson was for this end--for me to get back on my knees in the humble prayer I should have been doing all along. but I got side-tracked. Well, fell asleep in my skirt & all, still praying. Friday morning personal study was the ANSWER. Jacob 2--about you have broken the heart of your wife and lost the confidence of your children. I realized that yes, I want to help Carlos, but he needs to get to the point where he WANTS it for himself. As heartless as it sounds, he needs to fall more to be humbled so he will reach up and accept help from those offering. It was amazing how that answer to the prayer came the very next morning. I felt so distinctly in my mind, "I will take care of Carlos. Don't worry." That right now, it's not our time to teach him. Maybe next week. But right now, the more we search out and beg to teach him, the more power, the more prideful he gets. So, with heavy hearts, we left him for a time.

And then... this week was crazy. Wednesday we talked to our ward mission leader about one of our investigators, Hernan. We have been teaching him the whole time we were here, and the elders before us since December, more or less. Well, we have been working through his marriage-situation: if he's with his partner, or if they are separated separated. If we need to work to get them married or if they are separated, and nothing of the sort. Well, this week we reached the point that he is ready for baptism. Ready ready. We met with our ward mission leader about wanting to put the date on, now that we are all in understanding of his marriage situation. Our leader said, "Let's challenge him for this weekend!" Uhh... well, he's been going pretty constantly. In terms of assistance, he's good. Has the lessons. Is keeping them, as far as he has told us, and... well, if our leader says so, sure! We felt he was ready, sure thing. Random to have a baptism on Saturday when in the district meeting it was a tentative date for the 30th (dependent on his work schedule, because Saturday's he has a lot of work, and it's the Semana Santa, or the week before Easter, so he would be working more than usual). We felt that yes, we can go through with the baptism. So, Thursday, Friday we planned it for THIS Saturday, TODAY. Woo hoo. Spirits high, he was interviewed by our mission leader, then the high priest's group leader, and Friday night was the District leader interview. He's an adorable old man, Hernan. Adorable. Well... Friday goes as usual, and we went to talk to him before we met up with the district leaders.

And......

we walk up as he's lighting a cigarette.

Our hearts DROPPED.

Not only because he did it, but because all along he said he didn't have a problem with it. We asked him about it, and even still he insisted he didn't smoke.... we had JUST seen him.

So now, not only is the baptism off, but who knows how much of ANYTHING is a lie. It broke our heart. And also, you could say pride a little, too. But we felt so... blessed that Heavenly Father let us go to meet with him before so we could see him smoking, or else how would we have KNOWN? He answers right, that we are making a promise with GOD, and we have to do so honestly. Yet he denies it. Then, when he realized he couldn't win with that excuse, he said it was just a temptation, just this once, that he hasn't smoked in 8 years. I know he says it because it's what we want to hear, but..... sadness.

But I feel so good about it. That we stuck to our guns and said that no way, no how is there a baptism today. No matter who we have to call to cancel, no matter if we look like bad missionaries, there is no going forward with it if it would only be to DO it. To say, "Okay, but you can never do it again." Because the Holy Ghost can't be with someone that is doing something contrary to God.

I feel so full of love this week. I LOVE the people. And it didn't come from studying about "love" in topical guide, ctrl + f "love" (like I could even do that with hard copy scriptures :) ), or studying it in Preach my Gospel. It came from saying ADIOS to me and just burying myself in how I would feel if I were Carla. What are her desires, her dreams, her fears, what does she need? (little C.10 of PMG Elder Holland "Listen" section). Totally changed our planning this week. Forget C.8. We went to C.10 Elder Holland's quote on "Listen" and asked ourselves those questions: "What matters most to Carla? What does Carla cherish? What does Carla hold dear? What are Carla's fears? What does Carla yearn for? What does Carla feel is missing in her life? What gospel truth can we offer her to offer her more?"

I loved it. Changed our perspective. I realized in what ways I did and didn't know them, and my love for them is even MORE.Time is short. Love you!