Week 2: Remember How You Felt

Friends, Romans, Countrymen,

HOLA!!!

The main takeaway from this week is that, "I hope it's hard." If I'm not struggling, I'm not working hard enough, not pushing myself. If I don't feel at least a little teensy weensy bit on my toes, then I've gotten complacent. In so many ways I've tried to one up myself from the week prior: in how I treat the elders in my district, how good of a companion I am, how diligently I speak in Spanish, how sincere my personal study is, if I keep my mind focused on here and now--being a missionary. (probably my biggest struggle!) I've both opened up and laughed more, and had to tighten up and be a responsible role model to the elders in our district. Hermana Tolliver and I are now friends, not just friends of necessity. We get SASSY (our new favorite word) and talk about how to sew a bag out of an old pillowcase... because she doesn't have a bag to take to the airport for her goods. Oh, she is just fabulous. Little by little, the walls are breaking down and each of us feels safe enough to open up about who we are. I love that, because it's something we ALL need--to really BE A PART of each other's lives. I look at my life, and so often I just get to know people surface-level, and I only give them the chance to know me surface-level. Because hey, it's safe there. But.... it's so fulfilling to open up and really share your hopes. Your fears. Dreams. Concerns. Thoughts. Impressions. Experiences.Teach them pertaining to their life experiences, not just teach a lessong at them. I feel like religion is so personal, I never thought I'd struggle, but it's hard. I don't know (yet) how to phrase/ask questions without being instrusive. This whole "be bold" thing is hard para mi. Any advice here is welcome! :)

As we teach our "investigators," I am focusing (and likewise struggling) with that--to ask questions about WHO they are, not just what they are--how many siblings they have, how they grew up... get to know know them. I never thought that would be difficult for me, but lo and behold Heavenly Father finds ways to stretch us and teach us in areas we didn't know we had room to grow. Story of my life. Specifically the last 2 weeks.

I'm finally learning how to study. Yeah, uh...I could've used this skill the last 3 years at college.

I've started to see  people as God sees them, not easy.

Oh, yet another area of growth has been leraning to deal with stress. (Maybe this is way TMI; I just went through my personal study journal and picked the main happenings of the week... someday I'll get the hang of this email thing.) Usual I ummm... sleep to get a new perspective on life. Or run. Or wallow and cry. But now, I talk it out. Laugh about it, because if I laugh it down it isn't so terrible, but it becomes a bearable obstacle to overcome. I've loved having a companion for that, because it's not just MY problem, as it always was before. It's something we've both gotta deal with (POOR Hermana Tolliver!) and likewise, her meltdown becomes mine. :) It's just such a wonderful dynamic.

Sunday was particularly hard; tiring. But by the end of the day through inspired devotionals, I was the happiest I'd been all week. Our branch presidency member said something really neat-- "Remember how you felt." Remember how it felt when you realized the Book of Mormon is true. Remember how it felt when you saw the love of your family in your life. So often, we forget how it felt, and we only dwell on the here and now feelings. So... remember how you felt.

A huge realization is I've gotta giv emy heart to Him. Everything else is His: my time, stuff. He deserves my mind and heart. Which isn't easy, because I tend to daydream a lot. I'm learning I've never been good at FOCUSING (who knew?)

I want to BECOME A MISSIONARY--not just go on a mission. A mission is good for everyone, but not everyone is good for a mission.

Our teacher, Hermano Clark, is fantabulistic!

I. Love. Here.

Have a lovecrush on it, even. A missionary lovecrush on it, then.

Oh, and don't forget that by a mistake of Spanish, in our lesson Hermana Tolliver and I started talking about "damning" something instead of "fire."

Love my life.