three weeks

It took me three weeks to realize how...beastly and judgmental I can be. And I've made and lost a friend. Meet Boy.


I'm not sure how open I like being, specifically because I don't know who even reads this mindless blog...Maybe it's time to take a leap of faith and just be an open blogger. It's not like it matters what I have to say.


So, our St. George neighbor, Boy: cute, fun, easy-going, kind. Cecilly: crazy, judgmental, brash, fun-spirited. While Neltje, Kristie, and I took our St. George visit, we made friends with our neighbors. I talked briefly with Boy, but nothing dramatic. Introduced to a Flags Quiz game, but left it at that.


Upon our [eventual] departure from St. George, Boy and I started texting. Every day. All day. Talked about anything--Disney movies, bragging up our flags scores, musicals, hobbies, our hopes and plans for the future, our rivaling schools. I began to see how shallow I truly am. It scared me. I always thought I'm the nicest person alive. On the outside, I may contend for that title, but my inner thoughts don't align.


Boy came to Vernal for a weekend of yard sales, baby-sitting, selling popcorn, hot tubbing, movies, pudding goodness, and being pageant mom. We had a delightful three hour drive back to Provo, where we then parted ways. After that, we [unofficially?] established that maybe something would come of this blossoming friendship. 

But, sometimes people are unkind. Sometimes walls go up.

And it's probably for the best. Still, I wish I would have been nicer. Not because my heart was heavily invested, because to some degree I was. I am willing to learn. Everyday. To change when needs be. But when I get cut off, that trust is severed.  


I realize my flaws. It's not as if I delight in them. I'm trying slowly, daily to change. To improve. 


But this is alright; it would have been a learning and growing experience, but I guess neither of us need that right now. All in three week's time. 


It's over before it began.