forever and almost always

I realized that, in life, I have "phases." With my stellar Paint skills, I thought I'd put my years of training to good use and share with you good people.

1) leading up: I get SUPER excited when something is looming on the horizon. I'll talk about it, blog about it, dream about it, read about it, eat about it.... like going to Africa, moving back from Africa, planning Disney, getting new roommates... I'm excited out of my pants up to the very last moment.

2) doin' it: immediately after the decision is made, I just feel overwhelming doubt. I wonder why I put myself through a change again, wish I could go back, dread the future.... Africa--sitting on the plane, I wondered what in the world I was doing. New apartment--sit in my room like a hermit. Immediately I doubt everything and everyone. I hit an all-time low, then I rebound a bit as I sorta, kinda get a hand of it.

3) finally gettin' the swing of it: this comes usually after 1-2 months. I make friends in the ward, group, classes; whatever. I don't look over my shoulder in fear of people laughing at me. This is when I feel pretty alright.

Once I realized these "phases," I thought of how much I despise them. I want to entirely cut out 2--or at least replace it with something. Change is inevitable, and I need to adapt much better...