Week 13: There are no 'easy' areas
Truly, there are no 'easy areas.' After 4 weeks of feeling like I was living in semi-bliss, I can now honestly say that this is when I realized and recognized that we can only improve in challenges with a hopeful attitude. EVERY DAY. That hasn't been easy for the Princess of Immediate Progression. It's like my eyes are opening to the reality of what's going on: that if all I do is focus on problems, problems, problems, problems..... that we won't make nearly the progression that we could. It's been a week of shifting a paradigm.
Our branch president recognized that Galeras (name of our area) is challenging. That.... gives me so much hope. That Heavenly Father trusts two of His daughters to come to this area with close to no experience, with different eyes for the needs, and most of all to turn to Him in very humble prayer for help. (which trust me, is the epitome of our lives). To... wow, ENJOY this time, too. That it's okay to laugh. That really, promise, it doesn't detract from being a missionary. But that really, promise, it actually adds to it. That really, promise, it's okay to be a person, too. :) This sounds like crazy talk, but goes to show that therefore I am crazy. :)
Our branch president recognized that Galeras (name of our area) is challenging. That.... gives me so much hope. That Heavenly Father trusts two of His daughters to come to this area with close to no experience, with different eyes for the needs, and most of all to turn to Him in very humble prayer for help. (which trust me, is the epitome of our lives). To... wow, ENJOY this time, too. That it's okay to laugh. That really, promise, it doesn't detract from being a missionary. But that really, promise, it actually adds to it. That really, promise, it's okay to be a person, too. :) This sounds like crazy talk, but goes to show that therefore I am crazy. :)
Till now, I've seen our shortcomings and just wanted to improve, it improve, improve, improve. Be better, better, better, better. Which yes, is my goal now still, but I realize that change, improvement... are repentance with a different name. I can't change anything unless I repent. I can't improve unless I repent. That is how the Atonement is so central in life. That is why. That is how change is possible. Because every change we make is only through the grace that we can leave behind the old us and start again. For us, that means not through noting all that is wrong, and everyday just beating ourselves us for the fact that we´re not meeting our goals. Or that the branch council is a little less than completely enchanted with the n stomach. ewbie sister missionaries here. Or that our progressing investigadors stop progressing. Yes, recognize that these challenges are present. But also this week we´ve had fun changing our perspective from calling them challenges to calling them opportunities. Every opportunity to turn to Heavenly Father.
We decided for one day, to NOT MENTION what we needed to improve, but ONLY talk of what we were doing well..... it was...ummmm...... quiet at first.... ha ha :) But once we started recognizing the strengths, we started to feel more hopeful. I've LOVED loved, loved this week. It was hard. And for that reason I looooved it.
One of our investigators of much focus is the Family Lopez. Jose, Cindy, Silvano, and Naum. They live very humbly. And can I admit I love that? I love that when we visit them, it's not about things. It's about life. It's about what matters. We sit on the floor. Wash laundry in the stream because there is no running water. Naum, the baby, doesn't have clean clothes except on Sunday. We have to pass by early for them because they don't have a clock. We use candles when it's nighttime because there is no electricity.
But oh, they are SO special to me. I love that every time we are outside their yard area, that the child Silvano comes running out to us and hugs our legs. I love that baby Naum is smiling more when he sees us. That Hermana Cindy is starting to come out of timidity and give more than two-word responses. I love that Hermano Jose talks so openly about his belief in God. And I hold close to my heart that he doesn't want to be baptized because he feels so imperfect, and doesn't want to make such an important covenant if he may slip and fall into old habits. That... they are so pure. Oh, I love them.
This week we shared the Book of Mormon with them, and Jose is starting to read it with such a hunger. With such fervor. Oh, I love them.
On a different day, rain pouring. Us walking. Appointments falling through. It´s all good, though, because we have back-up plans. We stopped at the house of a lady we´ve visited 3 times. In our last visit, we left her with a Book of Mormon, and she was going to read the introduction. Happiness, right? In the pouring rain, she comes to the door and asks us not to visit again, that she doesn't need the Book of Mormon, and that she only believes in God.....
......
There we were walking in the torrential rain, with a hole in our hearts.... I felt something close to just sick to my stomach.
I have to encounter every doubt of every investigator, and come to a realization that, through all these doubts, the gosel is true. Every day my testimony is questioned, challenged. But every day, that opportunity comes to strengthen it, to make it immovable. and new every time, to every person I share it with. Becaoiuse for them, it is the first time they have heard this.
I fell in love with Alma 26:31, that their sincerity was shown in their love. Wow. This story was majorly impactful for me, because I'm trying so hard to love. Love when I feel tired beyond comprehension. When I just want to sleep. When I feel frustrated about goals, etc. I want to love. To look outside myself. to stop worrying that I don't know everything. And that verse, --the whole chapter--was just that. That they were converted not because they knew more, but because they loved. Love, love, love. Converted. As we see more and more inactives every day, I wonder how they could fall away.
I've thought this week how I want to look back on serving a mission. How do I want to speak of it?
for me, with.... clarity. Committing every day to memory, every lesson learned, taking advantage of every moment. (speaking of, I had a Spanish breakthrough! We were talking in English, because in our house we practice English for Hermana Nuñez-----street, Spanish and house, English---a fair trade. We were speaking English, and I couldn't think of the word I wanted to say in English. yesssss!!!!! by no means fluent, but I honestly understand 80% of what is going on, mas o menos. Speak about 60%.... 65%. So, I'm working on it.
I want to speak of serving a mission with... almost a sacred tone. That it was so much more than living in Honduras for a year and a half teaching the gospel. No, I want it to be..... making eternal friendships with people I will care about my whole life, even if we never see each other again in this life. that I wasn't afraid to be wrong, to mess up, to grow. That I just embraced it every day with a genuine smile, laugh, and desire to work hlard and work sincerely. To love every. single. person. more than I thought possible.
I'm to the point of rambling, which I think means I should end this. :)
Love you. The blessings I receive are to made an instrument in His hands. Alma 26:3-style.
--
Sister Cecilly Francisco
We decided for one day, to NOT MENTION what we needed to improve, but ONLY talk of what we were doing well..... it was...ummmm...... quiet at first.... ha ha :) But once we started recognizing the strengths, we started to feel more hopeful. I've LOVED loved, loved this week. It was hard. And for that reason I looooved it.
One of our investigators of much focus is the Family Lopez. Jose, Cindy, Silvano, and Naum. They live very humbly. And can I admit I love that? I love that when we visit them, it's not about things. It's about life. It's about what matters. We sit on the floor. Wash laundry in the stream because there is no running water. Naum, the baby, doesn't have clean clothes except on Sunday. We have to pass by early for them because they don't have a clock. We use candles when it's nighttime because there is no electricity.
But oh, they are SO special to me. I love that every time we are outside their yard area, that the child Silvano comes running out to us and hugs our legs. I love that baby Naum is smiling more when he sees us. That Hermana Cindy is starting to come out of timidity and give more than two-word responses. I love that Hermano Jose talks so openly about his belief in God. And I hold close to my heart that he doesn't want to be baptized because he feels so imperfect, and doesn't want to make such an important covenant if he may slip and fall into old habits. That... they are so pure. Oh, I love them.
This week we shared the Book of Mormon with them, and Jose is starting to read it with such a hunger. With such fervor. Oh, I love them.
On a different day, rain pouring. Us walking. Appointments falling through. It´s all good, though, because we have back-up plans. We stopped at the house of a lady we´ve visited 3 times. In our last visit, we left her with a Book of Mormon, and she was going to read the introduction. Happiness, right? In the pouring rain, she comes to the door and asks us not to visit again, that she doesn't need the Book of Mormon, and that she only believes in God.....
......
There we were walking in the torrential rain, with a hole in our hearts.... I felt something close to just sick to my stomach.
I have to encounter every doubt of every investigator, and come to a realization that, through all these doubts, the gosel is true. Every day my testimony is questioned, challenged. But every day, that opportunity comes to strengthen it, to make it immovable. and new every time, to every person I share it with. Becaoiuse for them, it is the first time they have heard this.
I fell in love with Alma 26:31, that their sincerity was shown in their love. Wow. This story was majorly impactful for me, because I'm trying so hard to love. Love when I feel tired beyond comprehension. When I just want to sleep. When I feel frustrated about goals, etc. I want to love. To look outside myself. to stop worrying that I don't know everything. And that verse, --the whole chapter--was just that. That they were converted not because they knew more, but because they loved. Love, love, love. Converted. As we see more and more inactives every day, I wonder how they could fall away.
I've thought this week how I want to look back on serving a mission. How do I want to speak of it?
for me, with.... clarity. Committing every day to memory, every lesson learned, taking advantage of every moment. (speaking of, I had a Spanish breakthrough! We were talking in English, because in our house we practice English for Hermana Nuñez-----street, Spanish and house, English---a fair trade. We were speaking English, and I couldn't think of the word I wanted to say in English. yesssss!!!!! by no means fluent, but I honestly understand 80% of what is going on, mas o menos. Speak about 60%.... 65%. So, I'm working on it.
I want to speak of serving a mission with... almost a sacred tone. That it was so much more than living in Honduras for a year and a half teaching the gospel. No, I want it to be..... making eternal friendships with people I will care about my whole life, even if we never see each other again in this life. that I wasn't afraid to be wrong, to mess up, to grow. That I just embraced it every day with a genuine smile, laugh, and desire to work hlard and work sincerely. To love every. single. person. more than I thought possible.
I'm to the point of rambling, which I think means I should end this. :)
Love you. The blessings I receive are to made an instrument in His hands. Alma 26:3-style.
--
Sister Cecilly Francisco
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