Because life is sacred, I'm pro choice

Let me be clear: 

I.

Hate.

Conflict. 

I would rather crawl under a rock and hide for the rest of my life than to disagree aloud with someone, especially if that is someone I love. 

Emotional, people-pleaser, highly-sensitive person, validation-seeker... These terms could all be used to describe me. I’m in therapy for said reasons and trying to get my feet under me, but just know going in how INCREDIBLY HARD it is for me even to speak up. 

Then I think of a quote that always grounds me: “Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” (famously attributed to Ruth Bader Ginsburg but attribution should go to Maggie Kuhn. #AttributionMatters) 

With my personal disclosures out of the way, let’s dive in: the conversation around pro-life and pro-choice. I purposefully say conversation rather than debate because if there is one thing I believe it is that rather than avoid topics like politics and religion, learn to discuss politics and religion civilly. 

I grew up pro-life with the underlying belief of the sanctity of life. I felt that abortion was murder, all babies should be given the chance to be born, and if someone didn’t want their baby, there were enough couples seeking to adopt that all could be solved by bringing the baby to be born and put up for adoption. 

If I recall correctly, that encompassed my belief set. 

Since being that girl, I’ve changed my tune. Today I took part in my first-ever gathering (some would say rally or protest, but it truly was a peaceful gathering with speakers on the topic and an open mic to share experiences. If I share something heard during the gathering, I’ll underline, as I can’t directly attribute it to something I thought of, but also cannot accurately attribute it to any one individual.)

Where I stand now:

I feel that life is sacred. Children deserve to be born into a loving environment. For the safety of the child and for those who would birth or raise that child, I believe that the mother should have the ability to choose for herself how to proceed with potentially bringing a child into the world. There is collateral damage to children (born to circumstances they otherwise wouldn’t have been). 

Growing up, I saw abortion as what a (forgive young Cecilly for how she saw the world. She really didn’t know differently yet) girl might do because she was having sex irresponsibly (tbh didn’t know what that even meant, but that was the party line), and didn’t want to take responsibility for her actions. 

(SO. MUCH. TO. UNPACK. THERE.)

Abortion is a medical decision. There are a myriad of reasons someone may reach the conclusion of abortion. It MAY be irresponsible sex practices. Digging into causes of why someone would make an irresponsible sexual decision, it could stem from: a lack of education of how to be responsibly sexually active, no access to contraceptives, stigma, abstinence-only teaching, or many other reasons.

If we go with the logic that, okay, someone is pregnant and we mandate they birth that child, I am truly baffled with the logic. If you trust me with a child, why can’t you trust me with a choice? There are going to be a myriad of choices after the birth of that child, but you are mandating the very first and then (another topic) making no effort to help that child once they are born.

The pro-life debate makes no accounting for privilege. If someone is mandated to bring a child to term, then once they do, the very system they are born into looks down on that mother for the requested assistance to raise the very child she was (forced) to have. Those affected by anti-abortion laws are those already marginalized and cut off from resources. In the words of Taylor Swift (who would I be to not quote her here? :) “these are not my [Utah] Christian values.”

On a religious side-note, this was an incredible way to spend my General Conference Saturday. It felt like a testimony meeting with all the people from truly all diverse walks of life sharing their stories and their why. What a beautiful display of people owning their truth. Many, similar to myself, started in this life as pro-life. 

Returning to the topic of being irresponsibly sexually active… Someone COULD be doing everything to be sexually responsible and still become pregnant. There could be reasons they are not equipped to carry a child to term: mental, emotional, financial, or it is NOT SOMETHING THEY WANT. I personally do not believe that the reason matters, but I find it interesting that there are SO MANY effects of having a child that oftentimes do not get considered in a Pro-Life approach.

If we want to stop abortions, it’s time to reconsider why the onus falls only on women. Want to stop abortions, have men get vasectomies. Truly, when I used to hear about the “war on women,” I thought those alt-right feminists burning their bras were being dramatic. But WHY IS IT that women are the ONLY ONES bearing the burden of this decision? 

It takes sperm to create life. If there are two in the equation to create life and the intended outcome is to ensure life is created responsibly, we need to regulate both parts of the equation: men and women. 

One thing that stood out to me during the gathering today was how many children and teenagers joined in. Several school teachers spoke and talked about how kids are absorbing the inequities, whether you choose to talk about it or not… They’re gonna ask each other if they don’t ask you, and the “each other” is not afraid to talk about it. Hearing that was HONESTLY the first time in a LONG TIME that I actively thought about how I used to want kids. I want to raise strong children to reason through difficult topics like this. I want to have the ovaries (not balls) to talk to them about it. 

To wrap up today’s beautifully, emotionally draining day, I thought it powerful that someone brought up how there seems to be a gap in information where we’re told not to talk or share our stories. Truly, as I listened to so many people with VERY DIVERSE reasons for getting, not getting, being grateful for the choice to CHOOSE whether this medical decision was best for them in their life circumstance, I realized that truly the framing I had surrounding this pro-life/pro-choice topic was VERY misguided. I didn’t have all the information. It comes down to AGENCY and allowing people to choose.

I was brought up in a religion which focused intensely on giving people the ability to CHOOSE, and I’m shocked that the very institution that prided itself on giving people that privilege to choose would just as quickly take it away and make the decision for its followers. And. I. So. Blindly. Followed. Without. Thinking. Because. Thinking. And. Disagreeing. Was. So. Stigmatized. Also another topic.

I don't know if I've articulated this well, but I believe the conversation needs to focus more on that we are asking for the CHOICE. I'm not saying that abortions should be required for every pregnancy. I also know that universally making one decision for everyone ignores that each individual and their care provider can make the best decision for their circumstance. That's all that's being asked for. The ability to choose. Don't want an abortion? Don't get one.

That people would rather force others to do something that could mentally, physically, financially, emotionally harm themselves and do it in the name of “love” SICKENS. ME. I truly YEARN to understand how, in good conscience, a blind-eye can be turned on the MANY people impacted by regulating the choices of another person who knows BEST FOR THEMSELVES IN THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES.

The God I believe in would NEVER, EVER wish that upon His/Her/Their Children.

I used to be quiet and only mentally disagree, but it’s true that those who feel differently than me ARE NOT QUIET ON THE SUBJECT. I hope to always keep people in my life who see the world differently than I do because I want to constantly check myself. But it is time to stand up and shout out. I hope to always speak for those who can’t speak for themselves. Because at one time, I was that girl who couldn’t speak for myself. 

I started with a disclaimer so I’ll end with one: 

I reserve the right to change my mind at any time and extend that same right to you. xoxo