scrapbooking my way through depression
In the process of learning to Life, I probably didn't always handle it very well, but did learn to turn to trusted loved ones to share the pain and seek help to get out. There are people who hold a hallowed place in my heart for the role they played in showing up for me when I needed someone to sit in the untouchable darkness with me.
After I came back from China, I found myself slowly slipping back into that dark hole. It's a scary place to be, because I didn't want to share that I was in pain because I felt like I hadn't figured it out quite yet. I felt somehow ashamed to be depressed. This led me to a new fav life motto:
It's okay not to be okay ;
Slowly I added things into my life that brought me joy: studying Chinese, organizing the spaces I inhabit, authentic conversations with true friends, and... decorating my planner.
Satirically one day I wrote "scrapbooking my way through depression" at the top of my planner page.But then I realized...
That may very well be the thing that would get me through this.
I have found (and continue to find) an obsessive amount of joy in decorating my planner (far more than actually planning in it) to reflect the life I live. The life I love.
Things have gotten much better. I realized that, for a time, I would need medication to help me stabilize and not hit such low of lows. It was something I never saw myself needing. Me? Always happy, energized Cecilly? Need anti-depressants?
Did.
Not.
Compute.
But I am grateful for every resource available, while being very cognizant of the effects and dependency of anti-depressants. It was never meant as a long-term solution, but I am grateful it was an option.
I've been wanting to blog since last year but couldn't quite put my finger on where to pick back up.
I think
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this
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is
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it
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